From a young age, I learned to hate everything about myself instead of love myself. I hated that I was short, hated my big nose, hated that I was hairy and no other girl was. I have always had a gene mutation that causes me to have depression and anxiety. I always wanted to be bubbly fun like all the other girls but anxiety prevented me from always doing that.
I started to distance myself from all of my friends and peers. I was constantly trying to be someone that I wasnt just to try and fit in. I was constantly put down and then always cared about what other people thought of me to a point that I was never vulnerable and became a perfectionist.
After getting married, I gained a lot of weight, had miscarriage after miscarriage and felt unlovable. Even though my husband showed me in every way that I was….
I hated myself!! I was not comfortable in my own skin… I wished my spirit was in a different body… I hated everything about me and wished that somehow I could get my husband to just leave me so that he could be with a pretty woman with no hair, that was always happy, beautiful and was able to give him the children he deserved. I had two choices 1- distance myself from my husband (like I did from everyone in the past) or 2- change my life!!
I started to do health and fitness groups through facebook, reading personal development every day and pondering on the things I had learned, drinking shakeology, and exercising daily.
Yes my body still has problems… Yes I still have some gene mutation disorders, and many other problems… BUT for the first time in my life, for the last year I LIKE ME!!! I could care less what other people think of me!! I can be unapologetically me! Yes there are moments of struggle… but I am happier inside than ever before! I have more energy, happier, more confident, more positive, and Love Myself which gives me the ability to feel loved by my husband and children, and to express my love for them better! I will forever be grateful for the last year of my life!! I have changed from the inside out!